dietingordeath (dietingordeath) wrote,
dietingordeath
dietingordeath

Rambling!!!

I am so depressed.. I have not been taking my antidepresiants like I should so I am not surprised by this... I want to add a post to get back on track with my origal purpouse here which was to make this some what like a book/ novel.. any who.. I still feel as though I make the choice daily of what I am doing. I have eaten some days and some I just don't I have cut back on my purging but it is something I do not want to stop. People think I am going to far but I still feel as though I could stop at anytime and plan to as soon as I hit my goal... Once I reach my goal I plan to eat healthy fruits veggies... ect ect... I know how to eat healthy I know how to do this the right way but to me this works so why do something that takes so long... I want what I want and I want it now is my mind set.. I know that by not eating works and it works fast i see results daily... I loose a pound at least a day sometimes more and that is what i want imidiate results... I do not see this as a problem. I hate when people lecture me... Why is this so unhealthy for me to starve myself and purge yet being so morbidly overweight is okay... I weighted 283 pounds when I started this... I had to have serious surgerty because the extra weight and fatty food I was forcing in my mouth damaged my gallbladder... why is that okay... yet... I have had so many friends tell me you are loosing weight to fast it is not healthy... where the fuck where you when I gained all this weight... no one expressed health concerns when I gained over 100 pounds.... no one told me what I should or should not do then but now that I know what I want people show concern... They are my friends they love me and I love them and they want what is best but I can not help but feel this is part of womenly compition... it was okay for me to gain weight healthy or not... but know that I am loosing weight you see it as a threat... maybe someone will give me the fat girl attention for a change... news flash it is happening I am determined and no one can change that
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